i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
