I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
