He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
