9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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