Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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