so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
