She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
