Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize