I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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