I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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