If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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