I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize