i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
