you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
