I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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