I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
