I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
