i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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