just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
