and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
