How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
