The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
