remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can text with my tongue
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
