i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
