I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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