Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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