i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
