it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
