Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
