You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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