No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
