Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In other news, I just burned my penis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
