I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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