I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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