Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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