Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your penis caused this!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
