How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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