Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize