Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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