just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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