Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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