I wish I only lived at night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
