That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
