I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im part way to drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
