We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
