worst night to have a conscience
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
