You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
