You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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