I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize