we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
