I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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