Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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