You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
