it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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