We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
