dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
