you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i think i just lost a toe
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize