My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
