the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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