He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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