And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
