note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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