i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
