why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You made out with two different species that night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
