i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
