So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
