A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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