honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
