To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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