Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
