she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Enjoy the penises
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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