I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
