Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I skipped work to stalk him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
