Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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