nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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