I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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