when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
