she woke up with a sticky ear
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
