I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
