it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
