I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
